My Unhealthy Passion

I want the world to work well. Not perfectly, I can't expect such things, but I do want it to work well. It won't do so on its own so I will have to force it to change. To do that, I need power. Lots of power. Shamelessness will be key. And so I am still trying to figure out the best course of action. Should I be a politician and strive to control the government? Should I be a powerful business man and sway the market to account for mercy and love through creating one of the most effective brands for products based on how it is made? Or should I be a priest and purify the Church and strengthen its relationships with other religions and thus spread tolerance through religion? I'm not sure what I can or should do but I need to change the world, this place is falling apart and we are all watching it from our tv sets.

How should I proceed to the top and why must I be at the top of the institution I pick? I heard a simple military concept that I liked a few days ago. It went basically like this: "We humans are weak and can't do much. But we can strive to take care of ourselves and those under our command. That's the least we can do. So if we want to help everyone, climb the ladder." Now don't think I actually think I will reach this goal. I will set it this high but the truth is that I really would have serious issues to climb high based on where I was born. I'm an American so the Church would never have me as a pope unless I was ridiculously great (which is doubtful). I'm a South Carolinian and our political power is quite limited. And I am financially conservative and business leaders are usually risk takers. I highly doubt I will reach this dream of mine. But it's a dream so I will strive for it.

This is my passion, this is my dream and this is a curse. Most people dream of a nice life of luxury, or a good family life, or possibly even to be famous. I dream to conquer my rivals who want the same power I desire and to crush the sins and inequity of men. But that's not going to happen because I am sinful. Even Jesus died before he made it big. Before death he was just some healer guy, after death he was the messiah of the world. Wouldn't it be grand if our deaths could give such joy? I doubt even Hitler's brought as much happiness as Christ's death. It's impossible to achieve my dream but it will be a fun challenge to try to reach it.

Rightous Flesh

So I was thinking about the body and the soul yesterday. Mainly I was wondering about the flesh that we have and angels supposedly don't have. God created the angels first so that means He didn't give His creation flesh but on round two He thought it would be better to have flesh with the creation...why? Usually we see it as something that slows us down religiously and something that corrupts us. Yet He deemed it good. Why? Again, what the heck was this infinitely god thinking? I don't know. But if I had to guess I would look to why some angels fell. Pride, complete and perfected pride.

Ecuador

     Currently I am in Ecuador. I haven't spoken spanish or taken a class in 5 years. This is an intense crash course. But it's so much more than that. The people here in Quito don't smile. I think I've seen three...maybe four strangers smile in the 8 days I've been here. That strikes me as a sad stat. Also, the place claims to be 95% Catholic but only about 20% of those 95% practice the faith by something as simple as going to church on Sunday. Ha, I went to confession here. That was interesting. Luckily the priest knew a little english because if he didn't I would have been in trouble.

     Here, away from my life in America...well God seems to be more present. I'm not sure if it's just me being away from all the things I know so I turn to one of my remaining foundations that much more, or if it's that Ecuador has religious things everywhere, or if it's merely the lack of distractions.

     My fellow students are great. Sure there are a few I would prefer to not spend much time with but even those people are fairly nice and we just don't mesh well. But I'm hitting a problem. I'm not dating anyone yet I feel odd saying I'm single. I mean, I definitely am single. I'm not taken by anyone...yet I feel taken. It's an odd feeling and it makes me feel like I'm betraying someone every time I smile or dance with a pretty girl in our group. Constantly I'm reminding myself that we are not dating and that I am not accounted for but I still feel horrible that I find myself caring a lot about a fellow traveler when in a way, I feel like I have no right to. But it's probably infatuation though she does have a couple traits that I hold highly. Back in the states, I suppose I need to figure this all out...

      One last comment: don't take a waitresses suggestion without looking at the price of the item. I got a Guinness assuming it couldn't be more than $5 and the security of a drink I've had before was worth it. It was $14. Yep, and since in Ecuador we are advise not to carry much cash I had to turn to my friends to pay for me. It was embarrassing to say the least.