Blood Guilt

"Coursing through life, knowing I have nothing to complain of.
But that doesn't free me from this hell, from the world that can't get enough. (my attempt at poetry)"

But I'm much better at typing out my thoughts. Speaking with a friend today, I couldn't even complain as he spoke of those that would love to have my problems. I realize I'm spoiled. Yes, I am from America. Yes, my country sucks up resources like that's its job. Yes, we are the root of any and every problem in the world...blah, blah, blah. I get it. But I think something a lot of people don't understand is that their country isn't any different. It's easy to complain of the injustices in life when you're weak. But when you're the strong, you can't and so must look at the truth and the truth is this. Everyone hates us and yet few of them realize we are the same as them. We are not bastards that enjoy hurting others. We love our friends and family like others but guess what, most of those people are in this country. Why should we do what is right when other countries only try to get ahead. Sure when you are weak it's easy to point out the faults of the strong but the fact is that the weak would do the same thing once strong. "Power corrupts" yeah? This isn't a justification. This is to open the eyes of the envious.

I should say to begin with, I hate my country. I do, honestly. I think we need to bleed, to remember we are human. Even our military is starting to forget that as we use drones to fight for us. We are desynthesized to ourselves. We know not what our body does as our eyes are glued to the TV. But that's the pathetic dream of countries, isn't it?

"One day, our people won't be forced to starve. No, no longer will we allow even our homeless to thirst. And for those who are willing to, well they will work. And no longer will we be limited in what goods will be made available to us. And our people will never be found wanting as we will make our country rich and our people educated."

It doesn't sound so bad when you write it out, just when you put it into practice. The fact is that when there are multiple countries striving for such a goal, there will be losers and for the most part, America has been a winner. But it is only when a man loses his dream that he sees the pointless of it. Well we haven't lost it yet. The worst thing happened to us, we are living the American Dream. And as we do, divorce rates rise, depression is running rampant, and the only way we know how to fix it is to work harder and buy more stuff. This is our hell. Africans thirst for water, we thirst for true life. Many would say "why won't you just help other countries or at least stop taking advantage of them" but that's how we were raised. Morality can't be in business, dirties the water too much. In business, you get the most you can while giving the least for the longest time line applicable to the situation. That is our code of honor and any other code can go fuck itself. This is America, and we are businessmen. Don't forget it, we will slit your throat before we will tell our children they can't buy the toy the neighbor got.

Pity us before you hate us. And I hope God can forgive me for living here but how can we escape? Is even moral to run from such a horrid country? What if I'm supposed to change it, save it? Not just me, but with others maybe I should try to save it. Damn, why do the other countries allow us to do this? If everyone constrained trade with us, if they just fought back the evils of our country instead of just bitching. O God we need something from the outside to save us, we need our tvs to show us the world we are shaping and the consequences of our actions...not Seinfeld.

But we aren't the only problem. our brothers from other countries profit from our addictions, that's why none of you will open our country's eyes isn't it? Yes you hate us, you critique us and yet if we changed and lived within our means the rest of the world would be screwed. We are the consumer and everyone is our producer. We are the only way everyone's economies can still grow. And so you sell us our sins and hate our guts. Like a moral slave trader: "I'm not the one enslaving them, I hate it. I'm just profiting from it. After all, someone's got to do it, right? I can't change it so I might as well fund my moral life with this blood money" That's what it is. "O those Americans are buying too much, they are raising the prices of food around the world causing starvation. Bastards!" And yet how hard would it be for the producers to just refuse us and sell food to the hungry at a lower price? O shit, yeah that's right. We aren't the only sinners here. And suddenly it seems all countries have had their hands bloodied by this "starvation" affair. Don't blame us only. We are all to blame, the world. We shouldn't buy and others shouldn't sell to us. But everyone's greed causes this disgusting world to continue the way it does. Everyone has blood on their hands. We just accept ours. God forgive us, sometimes we embrace it.