Everything Starts Today

I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I feel I should admit that. I'm not sure my friends understand that sometimes. Spending time helping others leaves you unprepared. But even if you plan your life, that's nothing. From what I can tell Napoleon was one of the best tacticians. His plans were brilliant and yet a silly winter in Russia threw off his entire war. We are so powerless and yet we think ourselves master's of our own destinies. Even including God, we think it'll be easy because He'll just say what's next...but that doesn't have to happen. I have a bad plan at best, a failure in the works at best. I'm not even happy about where my plan will lead me...

So what's my plan out of the current one? No clue. I hope to eventually find whatever it is that makes me happy. Whatever it is that God fashioned me for. But as I look at my gifts, I think more and more that I was built for the purpose of fixing the world and the screwed up people in it. Of course, this is silliness. How can one man change the world when he himself is not perfect? But through my brokenness I will show the world just how lost we are. I feel the world needs to see a beautiful satire of itself. Only then will the people be horrified by what they have become. Colbert is convincing the nation to be more liberal through his awful representation of a conservative, Swift stirred up trouble with the modest proposal, so maybe I should become a powerful political man. Maybe I should strive to be rich and then become a satire of what this world tells us to be.

Have you ever heard of what happens to most of the people who win the lottery? Their lives go to crap. Usually the people site winning the money as the turning point of their lives. The only ones that really seem to do well are the ones who base the quality of their lives on other things like family or religion. Which makes sense to me because if your main goal in live is to get rich and then you achieve your main life goal...what the heck do you do then? Die? We have to be willing to lose, to die, for something greater than ourselves. Otherwise, what's life but just us waiting patiently for death. No, I need to find something to be lost in, to submit my will completely to. And once I find it, I must be strong enough to pursue it to whatever conclusion comes..."on a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero" (Fight Club).

So let's figure out what's worth dying for, and then prepare to be willing to sacrifice ourselves. Let's begin anew, all the mistakes and foolish sacrifices to our morals can be forgotten if we forgive ourselves. So let's forgive...everything starts today.