Confusion

I haven't written in a while and I wouldn't be surprised if I continue to have trouble getting back into it. Some of it has to do with studying for school and trying to be social but most of it has to do with me not knowing who I am. I'm sure that sounds quite cliche and some of the more posh readers may roll their eyes but I am actually having trouble with it.

1) Why am I helping to lead a christian retreat when I can't relate to my talk topic at all (it's dependence on God but I have always striven to be strong and not turn to others for help...even God, after all, God gave me these gifts to persevere right?)?

2) Why am I helping to lead an apologetic group when some days I feel much more atheist than christian (though while I don't have a problem believing in a god, I find choosing a particular religion hard to justify)?

3) (ties into 2) Why am I defending the ideals of Christianity in debates with atheists when I'm not even sure if I believe fully in them?

4) Why the hell am I going to try to be a staff member at a christian camp where my theological comments could effect the spiritual lives of many children? Sometimes I just talk trash...

5) Why does everyone around me seem to grow closer to God when I am with them and why do they all see me as a religious man who is devoted to God when I have so many fundamental questions about Him that I'm not sure can ever be answered?

6) Why isn't God revealing Himself to me to clear up the storm in my soul?

7) Why are my lack of answers and multitude of questions not harming my love of God but just thwarting my love of self?

8) Who can be asking the previous 7 questions and still feel confident about their place and relationship with God?

I'm tired and not sure of anything. It sucks. No fancy conclusion, it's almost 3 a.m., that's it.