I'm helping to lead another retreat (honestly I don't know why...I don't see how I could help these people with their faith lives when I'm questioning mine more and more) and so I have to give a talk about God. My topic is how I depend on God. This is a mistake, something which I told the leaders. I don't depend on God like other people do. In fact I hate how most people will depend on God:
"Dude, don't you need to study for the exam?"
"Nah, bro. I'm going to church, God's got my back."
This is an awful form of dependence because it is not dependence, it is laziness. But even in topics I can't control I won't trust in God. I ask for Him to intercede but my reasoning is that I'm some punk 20 year old with pathetic problems. There are millions out there starving, thousands getting raped, and billions with bigger issues than me. If God has some bigger plan to help those other billions of people as opposed to just me, I don't blame Him. In fact, I'd expect that from Him. So I'm not planning on any hand outs from the big guy because quite frankly I don't need them. That's not to sound arrogant, that's just realizing how blessed I already am just for my family and country.
So what am I to talk about? My view of God is much more deist than the average Christian (religion of the retreat) so being honest is going to be tough here...
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